5.09.2010

A Mother's Letter to her Daughter


By Nicole Momperousse, Guest Blogger

If you are reading this blog post, then it may be safe for me to assume that you also have a twitter account. (smile) Like many, I tend to use twitter as a release, a venting tool, or sounding board for my thoughts, ideas, and way too often a wasteland for my emotions. You too? LOL

Just the other day I tweeted about a statement my daughter made to me...and my emotional reaction to “Mommy I want to be just like you”…just typing those words again brings “IT” all back…Yes I said “IT”… “IT” being that constant state of uncertainty that we as mothers live with either in silence or sometimes out loud like I did on twitter, where I stated that I will write a letter to my daughter expressing to her why ideally I wish for her NOT to be “just like” me.

I felt inclined to share this letter considering the responses I received from my tweets and Mother’s Day being observed today. Please read.

Dear Cheyenne,

From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that there was no way I could love another living being as I do you. I want you to know that every day that I watch you grow, I pray for you to be brave enough to face your fears; to fail and have the will to recover and to maintain the esteem and confidence you now have throughout your adolescence and adult life.

It makes me so proud to know that you want to be just like me. Are you sure? Especially considering the amount of time you’ve spent punished in recent weeks (smile). I know that it may not always seem like I’m being fair, or that I understand. But I was once your age, so I’m still young enough to remember what it’s like to be a tweenager!


I want you to know that my wish for you is to be the best possible CHEYENNE you can be! That means that I want you to follow your dreams and work toward making them a reality. Something that I wish I’d done when I was much younger. I am here to help you be the BEST possible ANYTHING your heart desires, just as long as you remember that this life you have is YOURS to live. When you stumble, and you will, I will be right here to help you back up, always!! Promise me that you will do more than try to be the best possible YOU, you can be. (smile)

You, my first born have taught me so much about my own capabilities and have inspired me to continue on my own dream path. It’s never too late to improve your life and do what it is that makes you happy, so I thank God & YOU for choosing ME to be your Mom!!

Love you till infinity,
Mommy



Many of you know little about me. However, if you’ve read my previous piece written for Brother Jesse’s Blog then you know quite a bit about me!

Becoming a mother has been the most bittersweet experience of my life. My own mother passed away almost 16 years ago, my father and all of my grandparents are also deceased. I have only one male sibling. For years I convinced myself that the life my mother led and her loss would not impede on my life…and it didn’t until I too became a mother.

I can’t ask anyone what I was like when I was baby or what I used to do at the stages both of my girls are currently at in their lives now. To say that my mothering experience has been trial and error would be an understatement. I remember bringing Cheyenne home from the hospital alone because my husband at the time had to work. She was born prematurely & spent an extra week in the hospital to reach the 5lb requirement to be released. Before I could remove her snowsuit she started to hiccup violently. Scared the living daylights out of me!!

I called the neonatal unit at the hospital to find out if I needed to bring her back, I was sooo terrified. They suggested that I give her a pacifier if I had one, to solve the problem. I did exactly as they advised…it worked… and that one piece of advice took 3.5 years for me and Cheyenne to recover from! LOL (I used to match her outfits to those things, always hanging from her face).

I’m sure my mom or grandma would have had a better solution! Nevertheless, I am fortunate to have a few chosen examples and resources for the moments I NEED more guidance on this whole Mommy thing. In spite of my shortcomings, nothing is more gratifying than being a mother. I feel so blessed and privileged to have the mommy title and as one of my beloved twitter friends pointed out to me… how cool it is to even have the word “mom” built into my last name “Momperousse”.

The absolute most difficult and rewarding JOB in the world is to be a mother… I beg you to differ. (smile)

Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms everywhere who graciously accept the challenge and responsibility!!

PS. This idea to write my daughter a letter was not an epiphany I fancied all on my own… I happened to follow a brilliant teacher of truth (@bilalsankofa) on twitter who once tweeted/shared/dropped one of many jewels into the Twitterverse on how to be BETTER and communicate with the ones that mean the most to you…. Write them a letter… now how could something so simple be so effective? Well since I’ve put this suggestion into practice my level of communication with my daughter has improved immensely. I first wrote her a letter about how she had disappointed me in a way that I didn’t expect considering how I am TRYING to raise her…that piece of writing resonated with her more than my usual whomp, whomp, whomp Peanuts (Charlie Brown) sounding rant. I would definitely recommend taking a pen to your frustrations, joys, blessings… writing it out to the person that needs to HEAR you! It happens to be working very well for me!

Peace & Blessings!



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4 comments:

  1. beautiful, sis! this was absolutely beautiful. even though my mother and grandmother were still living, at 19 brining home a 5lb-10oz baby is nothing short of terrifying! i was in a daze. i was just thinking today as i was reflecting on Mother's Day how all the books i read and were given to me could not prepare me for this "job." i had wonderful "teachers" by way of examples, but you do not know until that nurse places your child into your arms. it's all on you.

    i love the idea of writing letters. i come from a family of writers and was raised to write letters. they are effective. i can't tell you how many letters i received from my mother. lol we have our issues, but at the end of the day, those letters remind (although still shocking) that my mother is human and woman. i love her all over again.

    kudos to you for being so open. it helps to read about other mothers who grapple with what it truly means to be a mom while being their own person. it's a balance that takes a lifetime to master. i am firm believer in that. we give our lessons, discipline, become examples, but then release them to God and onto their designated path. after 21 years, i think i have finally come to a better understanding of that concept. have i mastered that? no. but i have a better understanding.

    bless you, Sis. Happy Mother's Day to you!

    jay

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  2. Rasheedah CartyMay 9, 2010 at 1:42 PM

    Sis, why are you making me cry on Mother's Day? I'm so proud of you for having the courage to expose your feelings and story in order to help yourself and others. Your daughter sees your beautiful light shining and she wants to shine like you. Give her permission to be (because she will be like you anyway).We are here on Earth to love and learn. Being a mother means constantly doing both. None of us have all the answers. All we can do is be each other's harvest. Keep shining and Happy Mother's Day to you, Sis!
    --
    Rasheedah (IamRah)

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  3. Awwwwwww I loved this blog it actually brought me to tears (lowkey softy I kno) but this was beautiful....I commend you for pushing forward even when thing got tough....you're like the floor model for what a mother should be...nobodys perfect in fact everyones far from as long as you try to do what's best for you & yours without half assing then in my eyes u are perfect...my daughter is 7 months & although sometimes I feel like I'm in this alone I know I'm not...all the stress & tention with being a first time mom can be overwhelming when I look at my child I realize this is it this is the rest of my life & I kinda get scared wondering will I raise her better than I was? ; am I doing a good job now? ; can I handle this job for the rest of my life? (people claim when their kids are 18 it's over when in fact till death do us part) but u know what helps me get over my parenting insecurities? I realize all I can do is try my best....nobody can really teach a mom to be a mom experience & time with your child does that...right now I'm just enjoying her...sometimes I find myself getting extremely emotional when she smiles all happily & giggles....I define that emotional state as being happy to have such a beautiful lil girl... my daughter is the best thing to have happened to me... & I wouldn't change a thing about my life....so before this gets longer than ur blog I will end it by saying God Bless You Happy Mothers Day & I Love You

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  4. I am in love with learning more about mother-daughter communication and relationships as I have grown to have a strong relationship with my mom. I am currently a graduate student working on my thesis which is going to focus on mother daughter communication. I have started a blog in hopes of getting the chance to communicate with other mothers and daughters in order to find out their experiences, observations, experiences about the relationship they share.

    So if you are a daughter who has just graduated high school and are about to move away from home or have already moved away from home or if you are a mother who has a daughter that fits this criteria I would GREATLY appreciate any and all help with my thesis research. And please pass this link on to any mothers and daughters who fit this criteria as well.

    I am still in the beginning stages but here is the link to my blog:

    http://mother-daughter-communication-2011.blogspot.com/

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete

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