Quality time for most men includes sex. However, for women that is not the case. Cuddling on the sofa watching a movie/television, talking, walks in the park, dinner etc. are some of the ideas they envision when it comes to spending quality time. A lack of this understanding can be a great source of turmoil in a marriage or relationship.
What most men fail to understand is that if we put more into spending quality time in ways that pleases our spouse, there is a strong chance that level of intimacy will increase. This is a principle that is hinted at in the Holy Qur’an. However, the motive for spending quality time should not be for more sex. Such motivations will lead to many disappointments. Women want to know and feel that their value to us and our desire to spend time with them; is not based upon sex. When this is shown, it places them in a space mentally where they are willing to give more of themselves.
In this day and time it can be very difficult to spend some good quality time with our spouses. As individuals, our day is busy with work, children, household obligations, business and religious commitments and everyday errands that need to be run, which consume large portions of our time. Despite all of that, for the success of our marriage and family we need to do whatever we can to make the time. I am quite sure if we did an honest assessment of how we spend our time, we would find that we waste valuable hours (of our already busy schedule).
We have the time, just have to become better managers with the time we have. In order to spend this quality time we need to actually sit down with our spouses and schedule it. Make it like an appointment. You may think that sounds silly or too formal. Appointments work wonderfully with everything else so why not use them for spending time with your spouse? When you make an appointment you are less likely to break that appointment. Unlike with just saying that you will make more time for your spouse and never follow through. Far too many times I have seen people who sincerely wanted to set aside time for them and their spouse but did not make concrete plans. As a result it never happened and dissatisfaction increased.
So pick a particular day of the week or even just a day during the month that would be good for both of you to spend some time together. Then sit down with your spouse and discuss some things you all can possibly do together. Then make it happen! Let others know that on this day and time I am spending quality time with my spouse. Our spouses deserve our undivided attention. So tell them not to call, text, tweet etc., unless it is EXTREMELY serious. This is a greater challenge for men. If we want a successful marriage we need to overcome that challenge.
Cultivating our relationship with our spouse is part of the mission as well. Most wives don't leave husbands because of financial challenges. They leave because they are not being emotionally and romantically fulfilled. Ask and find out. I am kind of speaking more to men because this is one of the major complaints women have about us. However, this does not mean that women cannot benefit from what has been written as well. Some of them are busy as well. Let’s get started doing what we need to better our marriages. Our future depends on it.
(Student Minister Willie Muhammad is the New Orleans representative of the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan and Nation of Islam. Follow him on Twitter http://twitter.com/#!/BroWM46)
Related Posts in this Series:Some Relationship Essentials (Part 1): "Be That Which You Want to Attract" (7.27.11)
Some Relationship Essentials (Part 2): "Who wrote the owner's manual for the institution of marriage? (8.04.11)